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Other Formats: Abstract
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WALKING
FOR THE CHILDREN

SON AND DAUGHTER LOST, COUPLE FIND A
WAY BACK

Winston
- Salem Journal - Winston-Salem, N.C.

Author:

Anonymous

Date:

Mar 30, 2008

Start
Page:

1

Section:

E

Text
Word Count:

1082

Document Text

On Mother's Day four years ago, Lee and Debbie Wagner lost
two children at one time in a car wreck.

"Our world had been nuked away," Lee Wagner III said.

Such a loss can leave some people in an emotional hole that
they are never able to climb out of.

The Wagners resolved not to let that happen to them. When
they went in for grief counseling not long after the accident,
the therapist told them right off that 87 percent of marriages
didn't survive such a loss. While Lee Wagner was busy
wondering why on earth the therapist would lay such disturbing
news on them first thing, his wife was saying that means that
13 percent of the couples do make it. They would be in that
group, she said.

And so they are.

"It has been a horrible, stressful time for both of us," he
said. "Have we had fusses and fights? Of course.. We don't
walk on eggshells."

But not one day in four years, he said, did he ever feel as
if they weren't going to make it. The Wagners have made it not
only by turning to each other and to God but also by working
to help others.

Which brings us to "A Walk to Remember."

This weekend in Atlanta, Lee Wagner is beginning a 380-mile
"Walk to Remember" that will end on Mother's Day at the
Davidson County church where the children are buried.

He hopes that it will be a healing journey for him. What he
wants it to be even more, though, is a project that gives him
a chance to talk to teenagers and parents about life - and its
hazards - and that raises money for the scholarship fund that
he and his wife set up to honor their children Jillian and Lee
IV.

Lee Wagner grew up in Davidson County. His family attended
Bethesda United Methodist Church, and he graduated from North
Davidson School in 1970. Debbie Wagner is from Georgia. When
they married, she came with a bonus - a daughter named Corey.
Debbie Wagner got a nursing degree at Davidson County
Community College and Winston-Salem State University.

In early 2001, the trucking company that Lee Wagner worked
for transferred him to the Atlanta area, primarily to handle
its business with Mexico.

Jillian and Lee IV died when the 2002 Jeep Cherokee Laredo
that Jillian was driving rolled over on the interstate,
apparently after a maneuver intended to avoid a merging car.
Lee and Debbie brought the children's bodies back to be buried
in the cemetery at Bethesda church.

In the first few days after they died, Lee Wagner felt as
if he saw the hand of God in the loving support of friends and
family. That soon changed.

"There were days in the beginning when we questioned the
existence of God," he said.

Other times, he was angry at God for the loss of such
dreams for his children as college, marriage and children of
their own.

"None of that will ever take place now," he said.

Today, he feels secure in his relationship with God.

"My God is there when tragedy hits, and my God helps me
walk that path," he said.

All along, he and his wife have made the effort to do
healing things. He went on a church mission trip that his son
had planned to go on. Both children were in high school when
they died - she was a senior, and he was a junior. In memory
of the children, Lee and Debbie Wagner fixed up a courtyard at
the high school and established a scholarship to be awarded
annually to a student there.

The idea for "A Walk to Remember" began germinating this
past fall. When Lee Wagner mapped out a route that didn't
include interstates from their home in Georgia to the church
cemetery in Davidson County, he came up with a route that
totaled 380 miles. At first, he planned to walk those miles
directly. In the end, though, he decided to divide the journey
into two phases.

For the next few weekends, he is supporting various church
and youth groups with their own fundraising projects by
walking with them. This will give him the chance to talk with
young people and their parents.

One of his profound regrets is that, despite his wife's
reservations about letting their daughter have a Jeep because
of its history of rollovers, he gave Jillian one because
that's what she wanted. He knows that they might still have
died if she had been driving something else, but the fact that
the Jeep rolled haunts him.

"I will probably carry that with me for the rest of my
life," he said. "I'm sitting here without my children."

He wants to do what he can to support other parents in
making the right decisions, no matter how tough.

"I want them to know that it's OK to say, 'no.'"

He will count the miles that he walks in other fundraisers
toward his total. He estimates those will be enough to have
reached Greenville, S.C. On May 1, he plans to be dropped off
there and, in the days that follow, will walk the 17 or so
miles a day he will need to walk in order to reach Bethesda
church in time for its 11 a.m. service on May 11, his 56th
birthday.

Debbie Wagner will be at his side.

"She will walk the last couple of days with me," he
said.

Along the way, he will call his friend Rose Snider each
night so that she can post updates at www.awalktoremember.org.
On the site, visitors can already find moving pieces that he
has written about the day of the wreck, the days that followed
and his children.

"They were caring and loving kids," he said.

Lee Wagner doesn't want the completion of the walk on
Mother's Day to be the end of his participation in events that
support young people and their causes. He said that he would
like to hear from other groups that would like for him to join
their fundraisers.

"If I dare to dream, I would like to look beyond Mother's
Day," he said. "I will walk anytime."

- Lee Wagner III may be reached at
[email-masked].

Reproduced with permission of the
copyright owner. Further reproduction or distribution is
prohibited without permission.

Abstract (Document Summary)

"It has been a horrible, stressful time for both of us," he
said. "Have we had fusses and fights? Of course.. We don't
walk on eggshells."

"I will probably carry that with me for the rest of my
life," he said. "I'm sitting here without my children."

"If I dare to dream, I would like to look beyond Mother's
Day," he said. "I will walk anytime."

Reproduced with permission of the
copyright owner. Further reproduction or distribution is
prohibited without permission.

Other Formats: Abstract
Full Text Page
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